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Renting is dead money, says landlord of 18 properties

A LANDLORD who owns 18 properties thinks renting is nothing more than throwing money down the drain. 

Property entrepreneur Wayne Hayes cannot understand why anyone would piss away their hard-earned cash on rent, especially in the current market. 

He said: “You’re paying what, a thousand a month minimum and more if I’ve put new carpets down, for what? A room in a four-bed I bought as a shell for £75k? 

“How do these idiots expect to save up a mortgage deposit when they’re spunking that up the wall? What kind of cretin thinks ‘oh, I’ll pay off someone else’s mortgage instead’? Namely mine? 

“What happened to snapping up vacant houses in the early 90s, doing them up and renting them as multiple flats choking the property landscape?

“And what do you get in return for renting? Nothing. Except for freedom from living with your parents, a lack of maintenance costs and the flexibility to move whenever you feel like it. It’s a racket.”

Renter Jack Browne said: “I can either fork out £700 per calendar month, plus bills, or live in my car. It’s a tough call but renting’s the slightly better option.”

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Eight characters it would be a very bad idea to race-swap

NEW versions of The Little Mermaid and Cleopatra have race-swapped, outraging rednecks and Egyptians. Hollywood should avoid these: 

Black Panther

A white actor ruling Wakanda would effectively make the film a glowing recommendation for colonialism and Empire. Jacob Rees-Mogg would take his kids, but that’s about it. Instead T’Challa could be Hispanic or Asian. In this era of progressive colourblind casting there’s no danger of complaints.

Scooby-Doo

Racists will no doubt say ‘What’s the point of a black Great Dane instead of a brown one?’ but audiences are crying out for a version of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! immersed in identity politics. After all, what is Scooby-Doo but a show in which we find out who people really are?

Patrick Bateman

It’s offensive to suggest only white men can be serial killers when in reality it’s a mere 82 per cent of them. A remake of American Psycho will broaden it out to the whole spectrum of racial diversity in New York, and it can still all be a delusion because you don’t have to be white to be imaginative.

Martin Luther King

You’d need an actor who could do justice to King’s powerful and beautiful speeches, so Patrick Stewart from Star Trek? It’s very much in keeping with King’s philosophy of not judging people by their skin colour, and hopefully not many movie theatres would get burned to the ground during screenings.

Lando Calrissian

As a cool, popular character who’s absolutely fine as he is, Lando is perfect for a race-swap no-one wanted. Introduced to counter to the glaring whiteness of a galaxy long ago and far away, he no longer needs be the token character of colour deserving far more screen time than he gets because the franchise has so many of those now. That’s progress, Disney.

The hillbillies in Deliverance

The only bit anyone remembers is the ‘Squeal like a pig!’ scene, and it’s as hideously white as a Royal balcony. Why not use colourblind casting in such iconic roles? Doesn’t a diverse audience deserve to look up at the screen and see themselves?

Annabelle from The Conjuring franchise

There’s a shocking lack of representation among evil porcelain dolls. A black Annabelle would be an inspiration to a whole generation of black dolls who might otherwise never have considered being possessed by a malevolent spirit and causing clichéd jump-scares.

Hitler

As if World War Two wasn’t racist enough, white actors have locked actors of colour out of playing the ultimate villain. As if pretending to be a tiny one-bollocked madman with a ridiculous fringe and evil moustache ranting in a high-pitched voice were a role just for whites, like Macbeth or the Dane.

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