Reversing round a corner: Things you'd totally f**k up if you had to take your driving test again

YOU reckon you’re a great driver but you never look in your mirrors and often ignore the speed limit. Here’s how you’d instantly fail your test if you took it now.

Reversing round a corner

You haven’t done this manoeuvre since your driving test because, honestly, who the f**k ever needs to go backwards round a corner? Nobody. And if it ever turns out that you do, it’s not going to matter if you bump over the kerb a bit, is it? Unless a cat or an old lady happens to be standing there, and neither of them live long anyway.

Checking your mirrors

Your driving instructor banged on and on about making sure you checked your mirrors before doing literally anything in the car, including speeding up and slowing down. Now you will merrily drive 200 miles down the motorway without checking them once. You haven’t crashed yet so it can’t be that much of a big deal.

Parallel parking

This was the manoeuvre that gave you the fear during your driving lessons, even though the instructor gave you a foolproof method of doing one turn left, two turns right, and one turn left again. Of course, you forgot this advice the second you passed your test and now consider it normal to park a mile from your destination and walk back if it means not having to parallel park.

Turn in the road

You were actually pretty good at performing a neat three-point turn in the road without once touching the kerb. Nowadays, you prefer speed over care and will happily give another vehicle a gentle bump or drive onto someone’s lawn a little bit if it means getting home and in front of the telly 20 seconds sooner.

Obeying the speed limit

You were militant about sticking to the speed limit when you first passed, terrified you’d be flashed and your parents would be angry with you. Now you often do 80 on the motorway, which you claim is because you’ve forgotten what the limit is, but really you’re fantasising about being him out of The Fast and the Furious. Vin Diesel. Not Paul Walker who died in a car crash, although that might be more appropriate.

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Sue Gray hire proves there were no parties and Boris wasn't at them, say Tories

SUE Gray’s hiring by Labour proves once and for all there were no Downing Street lockdown parties and Boris Johnson did not attend them, the Tories have asserted.

The appointment of the former civil servant as Keir Starmer’s chief of staff automatically means the Partygate inquiry is invalidated and, therefore, that Partygate never took place.

Conservative chair Greg Hands said: “The Sue Gray report, the only record of these so-called lockdown parties, has now been exposed as an anti-Brexit falsehood.

“The entire thing was a plot by Starmer, using his mole within the civil service to frame a law-abiding and wildly popular leader to distract from his illegal beer-and-korma raves in Durham.

“Therefore we as a party, a government and a country have no option but to conclude the entire scandal was confected, there were no parties, Boris Johnson never attended any of them and he therefore remains prime minister.

“Liz Truss never happened, the Queen yet reigns, we’re 30 points ahead in the polls and the EU has caved to the threat of the Protocol Bill and given Britain full access to the single market but we make our own rules.

“Everything is great again. The last 14 months were just a terrible, terrible nightmare which we’ll wake up from any minute now. Any minute now.”