YOU reckon you’re a great driver but you never look in your mirrors and often ignore the speed limit. Here’s how you’d instantly fail your test if you took it now.
Reversing round a corner
You haven’t done this manoeuvre since your driving test because, honestly, who the f**k ever needs to go backwards round a corner? Nobody. And if it ever turns out that you do, it’s not going to matter if you bump over the kerb a bit, is it? Unless a cat or an old lady happens to be standing there, and neither of them live long anyway.
Checking your mirrors
Your driving instructor banged on and on about making sure you checked your mirrors before doing literally anything in the car, including speeding up and slowing down. Now you will merrily drive 200 miles down the motorway without checking them once. You haven’t crashed yet so it can’t be that much of a big deal.
Parallel parking
This was the manoeuvre that gave you the fear during your driving lessons, even though the instructor gave you a foolproof method of doing one turn left, two turns right, and one turn left again. Of course, you forgot this advice the second you passed your test and now consider it normal to park a mile from your destination and walk back if it means not having to parallel park.
Turn in the road
You were actually pretty good at performing a neat three-point turn in the road without once touching the kerb. Nowadays, you prefer speed over care and will happily give another vehicle a gentle bump or drive onto someone’s lawn a little bit if it means getting home and in front of the telly 20 seconds sooner.
Obeying the speed limit
You were militant about sticking to the speed limit when you first passed, terrified you’d be flashed and your parents would be angry with you. Now you often do 80 on the motorway, which you claim is because you’ve forgotten what the limit is, but really you’re fantasising about being him out of The Fast and the Furious. Vin Diesel. Not Paul Walker who died in a car crash, although that might be more appropriate.
