KENSINGTON and Chelsea council is to stop billionaire residents from digging escape tunnels that allow them to live like normal people.
Planning applications for subterranean garages, swimming pools and torture dungeons were a front for creating a network of tunnels allowing the super-rich to enjoy ordinary life.
Trophy wife Susan Traherne said: “A trick bookshelf in the underground library leads to a hidden trapdoor in the changing room of H&M, where I work.
“Every day I sneak out from my prison of opulence to man the till, eat lacklustre sandwiches from M&S, and to feel things like tiredness and camaraderie.
“It’s deliciously mundane. I’m saving up my wages to buy a 2002 Fiat Punto with 70,000 miles on the clock, instead of always having to scrape my bum along the road in that bloody Lamborghini.”
Bond broker Julian Cook said: “My tunnel leads into the sewers, where I keep a hi-vis jacket and hard hat.
“I pop up from a manhole, my face all grimy, and go to talk about football with ordinary people in a pub.”