Richard Littlejohn, and other twats who'll be f**ked without diversity courses

JEREMY Hunt has instructed cash-strapped councils to stop spending money on diversity training. But has he considered the effect on people who love criticising them, ie. these twats?

Richard Littlejohn

A significant chunk of Littlejohn’s shitty output is about diversity courses, such as Warwickshire County Council’s African drum workshop, or ‘bongo sessions’ as he puts it. Needless to say, he never provides any context – that example appears to have been a bit of light relief at a multi-organisation conference on hate crime. Without diversity training Littlejohn is going to be short of things to write about, although there’s always his other bordering-on-mental-illness obsession: gay people having sex. Or as he puts it, ‘buggery’, ‘dykery’ and ‘poovery’.


The real victims of scrapping diversity courses will be Britain’s many gammons. They’ll no longer be able to sit in the pub basking in the warm glow of victimhood when Gerald says it’s an outrage that employers won’t let you use harmless terms like ‘sambo’ anymore. Without diversity training to mock they’ll have nothing to talk about, and it’s almost certainly impossible to discuss prawn cocktail crisps more than three nights in a row without suffering some sort of brain damage.

The retired fascists on BBC comments

Fans of the now-defunct site Speak You’re Branes will remember that BBC comments used to have their own section called ‘Have Your Say’. Nowadays reactionary old gits flock to any article about diversity training to share their fact-free imaginings and pointless personal reminiscences, eg. ‘I worked in the public sector for 40 years and never saw any prejudice.’ If you say so, Roger the Coffin Dodger. Without diversity training they’ll have to comment on other news stories, which is no fun because the only things that interest them are sneering at young people and LARPing about ‘the Muslims taking over’.

Tabloid readers

These poor dolts will suffer in two ways. Firstly, without articles mocking diversity training, tabloids will have to publish different, even worse, crap, eg. Myleene Klass describing what she has for breakfast. Secondly, because their worldview is built on believing every bullshit article they read, the absence of fabricated stories about diversity training will cause their entire perception of reality to crumble, leaving them confused and terrified like Neo in The Matrix.

Allison Pearson and all Telegraph columnists

Pearson loves a good article about diversity, in which she can share such opinions as ‘our institutions have been taken over by self-hating white people’. Really? Sorry, we forgot this is self-evidently true if you’re a Telegraph reader who already thinks Marxist academics want to graft a penis onto his wife for some reason. Without diversity, Pearson will definitely be struggling to think of ideas for articles, although you suspect this may already be the case due to columns like ‘Which Telegraph reader has the most beautiful roses in Britain?’

Workplace dickheads

God knows there are enough dickheads in most workplaces to merit an afternoon of everyone being reminded that offensive language is offensive. Also the law on workplace discrimination is quite strict these days, so you WILL get sacked for repeatedly using racial or homophobic slurs – especially if your victim gets a £30k payout from a tribunal. So ironically bigoted dicks should be campaigning for more diversity training, before they regret hilariously calling Colin in IT support a ‘shirt-lifter’.

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