‘Road rage’ may just be ‘bastard rage’, say experts

SO-CALLED ‘road rage’ may simply be the result of being a bad-tempered bastard in any given situation.

The Institute for Studies found road rage sufferers became enraged in any environment, including libraries, the countryside and sitting quietly on a stool.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “When we placed sufferers in calm environments such as a Chinese water garden they still became angry, in one case resulting in a man trying to punch a koi carp for ‘swimming in a really selfish way’.

“I now believe they are simply angry about everything all the time, as evidenced by a word association test in which some otters, the colour blue and a child’s tea cup were all described as ‘bastards’.”

Office manager Donna Sheridan said: “I admit I occasionally fly off the handle and chase a cyclist for 15 miles.

“But I’m not like that when I’m not driving, apart from my constant rows with everyone and that time I punched a vicar because the funeral was taking bloody ages.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

500-word TripAdvisor review to be made into a movie

A BRITISH holidaymaker will see his epic TripAdvisor review made into a major Hollywood movie.

Christopher Nolan, director of Batman Begins and Inception, has begun working on a script based on Martin Bishop’s 28-paragraph review of a three star hotel in Ilfracombe.

Producer Nikki Hollis said: “It’s about the corruption of society, the nature of revenge and the power of redemption.

“It’s the primal struggle of man versus mid-priced holiday accommodation that will resonate with the millions of fuckers who enjoy pissy nitpicking.”

Much of the TripAdvisor review focuses on a broken tile in the shower which Nolan will transform into an elaborate dreamscape where Bishop imagines himself as a rebel leader and, eventually, a god.

Ryan Reynolds will play Bishop, with Oscar-winner Natalie Portman as his wife Susan who begs him to stop writing everything down and enjoy himself for a change.