Royal wedding is fantastic news, says everyone in Cheltenham branch of Waitrose

THE royal wedding is incredibly exciting, according to all the wealthy white people in the Cheltenham branch of Waitrose.

‘Comfortable’ housewife who has a massive kitchen table Mary Fisher said: “We’ll probably have a semi-ironic street party with bunting and high quality cold meats, from a local organic farm run by someone my  husband knows from London.

“It’ll be lovely, we don’t often see the neighbours because our street is all large, really nice detached houses with lots of space between them.”

Fellow rich attractive woman who keeps falling for online scams Emma Bradford added: “I can’t wait to stand on the street waving a very small Union Jack around my head next Spring.

“I hope they have kids because that’ll be an excuse for me to talk about choosing private schools in a subtly boastful manner. Because ‘our two’ are currently at a very good school.”

However Donna Sheridan, who sells the Big Issue outside the supermarket, said: “Is he the one who dressed up as a Nazi that time?”