Sunday, 27th September 2020

'Run schools from pubs?' suggest teachers

TEACHERS have announced that they would be willing to relocate schools to pubs as a compromise to keep both open. 

As scientists warned that curbing coronavirus might mean closing pubs so schools can operate normally, educators have volunteered to teach classes from behind the bar.

Primary teacher Lauren Hewitt said: “The wellbeing of children is at the forefront of everything I do as a teacher, and drinking heavily is at the heart of everything I do out of school.

“It’s a visionary solution. There are blackboards at both, beer gardens can double as playgrounds, dividing up a bill between six is a maths exercise, and the kids can go on Tripadvisor to review the pub for their creative writing.

“It’s real world learning like we’ve never been able to implement before. Plus me and the other teachers can sneak a few cheeky shots at break.”

Headteacher Susan Traherne said: “The long term effects of children being off-school are almost as concerning as those for adults not being able to have drinks poured for them while they eat Scampi Fries.

“By combining schools and pubs we reduce the risk. It’s another example of key workers going above and beyond to help local communities stay healthy, happy and a little bit pissed.”