Sunday, 27th September 2020

Socially distanced office just f**king wonderful, declare workers

WORKERS in a socially distanced office have declared it to be absolutely marvellous and the way offices always should have been. 

Employees forced back to work have declared that leaving every other seat vacant, erecting large perspex screens and limiting all interaction has made the workplace into a paradise.

Nathan Muir of Hitchin said: “Not only is Janine now eight feet away from me, there’s a barrier between us and she’s actively discouraged from talking. I mean f**king beat that.

“I saw my line manager get up, begin making her way through the maze of transparent barriers to glare over my shoulder like she always does, then give up and sit back down, defeated. Yeah. That’s right. You stay where you are.

“Done a day in? Better have a day at home. Got a bit of a temperature? Week at home. Someone wants to waste your whole morning calling you into an irrelevant meeting? Nope.

“The boss called us all together for a pep talk yesterday. But we were sat miles from each other and her faceshield made her own voice was so loud in her ears she cut it short after two minutes.

“By accident we’ve created the perfect office. I’ll be here every chance I get until the kids go back to school.”