UK schools are treating themselves to luxuries like pens, textbooks and buckets to catch leaks after receiving a Budget windfall from the government.
Headteachers across the country are struggling to believe their luck and are indulging in a crazed spending spree.
Joanna Kramer, head of Elm Tree Primary in Rutland said: “Pencils, a new football for PE, and chairs. Those pupils who’ve been taking it in turns to sit on each others’ backs are going to feel like kings.”
Secondary English teacher Nathan Muir agreed: “It’ll be great to hold our fundraising Summer Fayre only in the summer, instead of every Friday.
“That said, teaching kids to steal toilet paper actually gives them marketable skills, and I actually quite enjoyed teaching by candlelight in the winter. It really helped with Dickens.”
Asked if any funding could be found to increase teachers’ pay, a government spokesman said: “No. We’re against that.”