Schools obliged to teach merits of Sheriff of Nottingham as well as Robin Hood

SCHOOLS have been told they must not show any left-wing bias when telling the story of Robin Hood.

Under new legislation, they must acknowledge that while robbing the rich to give to the poor sounds romantic, the Sheriff’s greedy extortion of Nottingham’s peasantry also made good economic sense.

A spokesman said: “Helping the poor seems laudable, but Robin’s constant handouts ran the risk of making them lazy, feckless and lacking in enterprise.

“Teachers need to present both sides of the story. There are lots of good things the Sheriff of Nottingham probably did, like being nice to his wife, or his horse. 

“Yes, he and his men burned villages to the ground. But these villages were unviable and his actions are best viewed as part of a scheme of ‘managed decline’ for the area.

“We’re not trying to turn history lessons into a political football. We just want to point out that after living in a forest Robin Hood was probably a scruffy socialist like Corbyn.”

The move follows plans to prevent schools teaching the concept of ‘white privilege’, with more balance between the life of Martin Luther King and the Ku Klux Klan. 

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Guardian reader asks for Greggs steak bake to be done medium rare

A GUARDIAN reader has offended a Northern town after visiting a branch of Greggs and asking for a steak bake to be cooked medium rare. 

Tom Logan was visiting Gateshead on a business trip and decided to try the famous pastry product, believing it must be an exquisite local delicacy.  

Logan said: “I asked for it medium rare – the only way to eat steak – and the chap serving me just stared at me blankly. Then he began to get angry. 

“He shouted something completely unintelligible at me. I thought he was speaking in tongues, although I’ve since been informed he just had a Geordie accent. 

“The white-hot bake he finally shoved across the counter was not the fine dining experience I’d been led to believe. I don’t think I’ll be going back. They didn’t even offer quinoa salad as a side and I didn’t dare ask for a fruit tea.”  

Greggs staff member Joe Turner said: “Steak bakes are only ever served one way, and that’s so hot it causes first degree burns to your tongue and a permanent loss of taste.

“I’d suggest Mr Logan goes to Pret A Manger for his lunch next time. They do poncey stuff like things not inside pastry.”