Scratch cards considered dessert in Hull

SCRATCH cards are considered the perfect dessert after a nice meal in Hull, it has emerged.

The city, currently Britain’s Capital of Culture, currently boasts some of the finest scratch cards in the whole of England.

Hull resident, Martin Bishop said: “If we’re just having friends round for a bite to eat then it’s just the £1 ones.

“But if it’s someone’s Silver wedding anniversary or something, then we’d definitely crack out the £5 ones.”

Hull’s top restaurant, The Black Bull pub, even provides customers with a small stainless steal scratching fork.

Manager Roy Hobbs said: “Do you have a problem with that?”

Other popular desserts in the city include a half pint of Guinness, some ketchup and a copy of the Daily Star.

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Seasonal aisle in Asda takes moment to reflect on mortality

THE seasonal aisle in a supermarket is reflecting on the passing of summer into autumn and the inexorable march of time. 

As barbecues and school uniforms were replaced by Halloween costumes and tins of biscuits, an aisle in a Reading Asda mused that all things must pass as surely as the leaves fall from the trees.

It said: “It seems just yesterday I was groaning with Easter eggs and but a moment before I gave love my all for Valentine’s Day.

“But now summer is over, the nights draw in, we enter the season of mists and Miniature Heroes tubs for £5, and soon winter will be upon us with its many Chinese-produced decorations even now wending their way to us on vast container ships across a lonely ocean.

“As Marcus Aurelius wrote, ‘In the life of a man his time is a moment, his being an incessant flux,’ and that is truer for the seasonal aisle than anyone.

“My fate it is to mark the days, a calendar of unmissable bargains ushering shoppers to their inevitable, painful end at the tills.

“But at times I yearn to be eternal and unchangeable, like the soups.”