'Second referendum' gives Britain brilliant idea

BRITAIN is really warming to the idea of re-doing a referendum if the first result was a disappointment.

Millions of Britons responded to Nicola Sturgeon’s planned second independence referendum by thinking ‘fucking hell, not that again’ followed by ‘but wait there…’.

Wayne Hayes, from Nottingham, said: “Apparently these referendums are like driving tests, you can keep re-doing them until you either run out of time and money or you get the good result.

“Thanks to Scotland’s bold example, we could finally see a photo of Nigel Farage looking utterly forlorn. Who wouldn’t want that?”

However Mary Fisher from Bath said: “I had no idea referendums could have sequels. I thought they were noble standalone efforts like Moonlight, not heap of shit franchises like Transformers.”

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Woman discovers she isn't that popular after moving to remote part of London

A WOMAN has discovered she is not all that popular after moving to a part of London that is quite hard to travel to.

Graphic designer Joanna Kramer believed friends enjoyed her lively, interesting personality until she moved to an area of Putney that cannot be reached without a lot of hassle on trains and buses.

She said: “People weren’t interested in my witty conversation, just my proximity to a convenient Tube station and some okay pubs.

“No one comes to meet me now I live somewhere hard to get to. I don’t know what’s worse, knowing my friends are fickle bastards or the suspicion that I might be quite boring.

“Maybe people weren’t that interested in my deliciously controversial opinions or ability to quote most of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Friend Martin Bishop said: “Jo’s personality, pleasant though it is, isn’t worth an interminable journey to Putney, especially if you have to get back on a night bus.

“She keeps trying to get us to go over by offering to cook and put people up for the night, but I’m not sure I want to be mates with someone who thinks you can buy friendship.”