Friday, 23rd October 2020

Selfish a*sehole has December birthday

A MAN born in December has been labelled a “selfish a*sehole” by friends, who are forced to celebrate his birthday at the busiest time of year.

Martin Bishop’s mates face a gruelling night out in the same week as their work Christmas do, several boozy lunches and the family Secret Santa draw.

Friend Tom Booker said: “Why can’t he just have a birthday in the other 11 months of the year, like a normal person? 

“It’s totally unreasonable to expect us to make time for his celebrations while we’re pouring all our energy into hangovers and important cultural events like sampling the complete Pret Christmas menu.

“The whole thing could be avoided if people were banned from having sex in March to stop any more December babies.”

Birthday boy Bishop, 35, said: “My family and friends are fine with celebrating Jesus’s birthday for a whole bl**dy month. All I ask for is a few hours and not being given a combined birthday and Christmas gift.”

Bishop was last seen crying into a mince pie he was given instead of a birthday cake, for the 35th year running.