A COUPLE who experiment sexually are only doing it to appear broadminded, it has emerged.
Partners Tom Logan and Nikki Hollis are secretly repulsed by their fantastic love life but cannot give it up for fear of appearing repressed and suburban.
Logan said: “When we’re experimenting with new positions and love toys I really just want to do it in the old fashioned way with the lights off, or better still not do it at all and just watch a nice film like The Incredible Journey.
“Unfortunately we want to be the sort of sexually sophisticated people you read about in Marie Claire, so we’re just going to have to keep having mind-blowing orgasms however much we despise it.”
Hollis said: “I hate doing all these incredibly dirty things, but it does make me feel better than my friends with dreary sex lives. And you can’t put a price on feeling superior to other people.”
Tonight Logan and Hollis plan to install and use a sex harness in their bedroom, even though Book at Bedtime is a novel about Chinese peasants.