THE 7,500 fake marriages conducted in the UK are happier and more likely to last than genuine marriages, according to inspectors.
Home Office analysis showed that fake marriages not only have a solid reason to exist but that participants support each other and are more likely to have regular sex.
A spokesman said: “When we heard about weddings in Bradford where the disco didn’t drag on for hours, we knew they were fakes.
“But on examination we found the couples, who observed a rigorous schedule of shared finances and conversations about feelings to fool investigators, put our marriages to shame.”
Marriage counsellor Dr Mary Fisher said: Most British marriages are built on mutual contempt and Emmerdale.
But in sham marriages, because both parties still have something to gain, everyone follows the rules of a perfect union as exemplified by Jamie Redknapp and Louise out of Eternal.
Librarian Emma Bradford said: I married Nikos so he could stay in the UK and we get along great. We have to, because if we dont hes back to the exhausting and financially unrewarding world of goat husbandry.