A SMALL woman with a massive umbrella is loving scattering people into gutters as she strides down pavements, she has confirmed.
Lucy Parry is sending people tumbling left and right as she cuts a swathe along crowded pavements on rainy days, simply by holding her umbrella at exactly the right height to have their eyes out.
She said: “At five-foot-one, my experience of height is mainly not being able to see anything at gigs and having to buy children’s sizes, so you’ve got to take the perks where you find them.
“I love it when it pisses down. I get my golfing umbrella out and cause absolute havoc. People end up sprawled on the floor, clutching at their faces as if I’d just taken a razor blade to them, Peaky Blinders-style.
“The best bit is no-one can touch me for it. Who could get angry with a tiny lady who is simply trying to keep her hair dry? It’s the perfect crime.”
Pedestrian Ryan Whittaker said: “If she was just a tiny bit smaller I could squish her under my shoe and end her reign of terror.”