Should have gone on holiday earlier, shouldn't you, says everyone with kids

PARENTS have offered no sympathy whatsoever to stranded Thomas Cook holidaymakers because they should have gone in August like everyone else. 

More than 150,000 tourists will need to be flown home and hundreds of thousands of more will miss out on planned trips, which according to those with school-age children serves them right.

Mother-of-three Susan Traherne said: “Thought you were clever, didn’t you, getting cheap flights and missing the crowds?

“We did ten days in an all-inclusive in Turkey in the summer and it was an absolute f*cking nightmare, but it’s better than spending 10 days in Ankara airport with a wheely bag for a pillow like a twat.

“Real bargain was it? Beaches would be empty would they? Well now it’ll be your desk at work that’s empty while you fight to get your phone charged so you can beg your boss not to fire you.

“Maybe you won’t get home. Maybe you’ll have to start a new life out there, washing dishes in a hotel and shagging German tourists. Wouldn’t bother me.”

She added: “Ruined your wedding abroad? Good. Mine was in Britain and ruined by rain.”

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Three Toblerones for a tenner 'now the only reason anyone flies'

THE three for £10 Toblerone deal in airport shops is now the only reason anyone flies, experts have confirmed.

The opportunity to buy the giant confectionery is the only possible justification for enduring an airport, queueing repeatedly and going through insane security checks.

Holidaymaker Nikki Hollis said: “Triangular chocolate just tastes better. And it’s great how it’s three for £10 because you basically have to buy three giant golden bars, like amazing, heavy ingots.

“Anyone who only bought one for £4.99 would be insane.”

When asked where she was flying on holiday, she replied: “Oh, two milk and a white, I think. Unless these fruit and nut ones are good.”

Airline officials have confirmed that half of all the weight in airplane luggage is comprised of the nubbly Swiss chocolate.

A spokesperson said: “For greater efficiency, we’re launching a new fleet of long, triangular airplanes. The planes won’t work properly, but it doesn’t matter.”