Sick son of a bitch makes tea in microwave

A WARPED individual habitually makes cups of tea in a microwave, it has been confirmed.

Family, friends and colleagues of Wayne Hayes reacted with shock to news that he makes tea by putting a tea bag and cold water in a mug and cooking it in the microwave for a minute.

His mother, Margaret, said: “All I can say is that this isn’t the way he was raised. I’d like to ask for privacy as we come to terms with this as a family.”

Hayes’s best friend Jack, who has known him since university, admitted that he had ignored early warning signs.

He said: “I’ve saw him do it a couple of times, years ago, but I always assumed it was youthful experimentation or that the kettle was broken or something.

“I had no idea it was something he made a habit of. I feel like I’m partly to blame.”

Hayes said: “They’re really going to lose their shit when they find out that I drink cold baked beans straight from the can.”