Friday, 22nd January 2021

'Side hustle' and five other phrases that need to f**k off immediately

AS we approach the end of 2020, here are some of the year’s popular but incredibly annoying phrases that just need to f**k off forever. 

Side hustle 

People might be doing some different work during lockdown, but ‘hustle’ is a pathetic attempt to sound cool. You’re not illegally importing truckloads of cigarettes from Europe, you’re actually selling ‘funky’ facemasks made from old knickers that bring in the huge sum of £3 a week.

All the feels

A social media favourite that doesn’t really mean anything, so can be used for any old crap. Heard ‘Last Christmas’ on the radio for the first time this year? All the feels! Your sister posted a photo of your nephew dressed as a slapdash Hagrid on World Book Day? All the feels!

Cool beans

Frankly it would be better to just say “I am a wanker”. This expression, which makes someone sound like a very dull person trying to be ‘wacky’, makes you long for a time when people were strong and silent. Or language hadn’t been invented.

The narrative

Not long ago, the news media decided to start calling everything a ‘narrative’. Anything and everything, like Theresa May dancing to ABBA, was ‘part of the ongoing narrative’. No, it was just an agonisingly embarrassing moment none of us will ever be able to forget, particularly when reminded by an article like this.

The optics

The sexy new cousin of ‘the narrative’ is ‘the optics’. It’s really just a way of saying something looks bad, so if your neighbour’s dog has just been run over by a bin lorry, pretentious types might like to say “The optics don’t look good”. 

Now more than ever

This wasn’t too bad when used to emphasise the good work of nurses and others in Lockdown 1. But now it’s in every advert on TV, spoken in a forlorn voiceover, set to sad piano music, over shots of empty streets. Still, at least it’s not quite as horribly cliched as ‘the new normal’.