Six shite 80s toys that would sicken today's kids

AS retailers unveil their Christmas toy ranges, parents can’t help but seethe with resentment as they remember crap toys like these: 

Waterful Ring-Toss

As toss as its name, this see-through container had a button you pressed to cause a jet of water to make plastic hoops swish around and hopefully land on a peg. Like slow, random pinball, it was soon abandoned to let bountiful algae bloom.

All the wrong Star Wars figures

Star Wars figures and vehicles were excellent, but tended to sell out and weren’t cheap. So kids had to really exercise their imaginations to capture the spirit of the films with Bossk, R5-D4, a Bespin guard and a Action Force figure standing in for Han Solo, often coming up with something better than Attack of the Clones. 

Evel Knievel doll and motorbike

Action doll of everyone’s favourite 1970s lunatic, but the adverts showing him soaring through hoops were a sordid lie and Evel just fell off all the time without even the excitement of an open fracture.

Mastermind

All the fun of a deductive logic problem! It was actually a code-breaking game, which is great if your childhood hero was Alan Turing. Or there was Simon, a coloured-light memorisation game that trained you up to memorise the Jet Set Willy codesheet.

Rock Lords

Transformers turned from jets or cars or tape-recorders into robots. Go-Bots changed from robots into kind of crappy car-robots. Rock Lords changed from robots into rocks. That’s basically a tortoise.

Stretch Armstrong

There were stretch Hulks and Batmen too, but the cruelly shit concept was the same – you could stretch them then they reverted to normal. Excellent fun for youngsters with an interest in things returning to equilibrium, and a new definition of the phrase ‘limited gameplay’.

IT support disgusted by how little you know about computers

A TECH support worker cannot believe the lack of basic computer knowledge people today have, he has confirmed. 

IT desk manager Joe Turner gets upwards of 50 calls a day from people who would be entirely capable of fixing their own problems if they just learned the basics.

He said: “Most offices have been entirely computerised for more than 30 years. But still I deal with so-called senior employees every day that don’t even know how to flush their server-side cache. It’s frankly nauseating.

“It’s as if they’re not interested in learning a bit of code to help themselves. They should give it a try. It’s far more rewarding than ‘running a importation business’ or whatever.

“If everyone just tried to deal with a damaged DLL file, I could spend less time on the phone and more time having in-depth discussions about the best series of Farscape.

“But they’re all wilfully ignorant. Half the time they can’t even follow simple instructions and I have to take over their screen, and they act like it’s voodoo that the mouse pointer’s moving on its own. They sicken me.”

Hayes added: “I lied about having good interpersonal skills on my CV. As long as I can reset their passwords when they forget them every other day nobody gives a shit.”