Size of wine glass linked to how smug you are

PEOPLE who make a point of drinking out of wine glasses the size of fish bowls are the smuggest bastards of all, it has been confirmed.

As buying fancy shit to fill their massive houses continues to be the most popular way for middle class people to prove their worth to each other, oversized wine glasses have emerged as the best method to pin point who is the biggest wanker.

Smug bastard Joanna Kramer said: “I started off with a set of bog-standard IKEA numbers that you can smash during an argument about your husband eyeing up the babysitter without worrying.

“But I realised I had to up my game when I went to a friend’s house and they had those glasses that are so wide at the bottom that it looks like they’ve only poured you a centimetre of wine when actually you’re going to be absolutely shitfaced if you drink it all.

 “I got some that are so big that they’re actually really tricky to hold in one hand, which makes my guests feel uncomfortable and tense, but which no one dares to hold in two hands because they’ll look like an idiotic child.

“My dinner parties are such a lot of fun.”