Smoking makes smokers more like non-smokers

SMOKING rots the brain until you start thinking like a non-smoker, it has been confirmed.

Two years away from demanding a ban on crisps

Researchers have discovered that if you keep smoking then you will become so pathetically stupid that you think other people’s legal habits are any of your business.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “It rots your brain so much that you end up calling for fat people to pay more tax.

“Or you may demand large health warnings on bottles of Chardonnay, accompanied by a charming photo of an alcoholic’s liver.

“Then, in the terminal stages of tobacco induced brain-rot, you call for a ban on the sale of Tizer near primary schools.”

He added: “It seems that for the first 100,000 cigarettes, smokers are generally liberal-minded and tolerant of other people’s flaws. But shortly after that they become opinionated, busy-body fucknuts.

“The nicotine has damaged their brain so much that they think the government should decide how you live your life.

“Finally – and you might want to look away at this point because it gets a bit graphic – they actively support public health campaigns.

“Particularly those depicting the sad-eyed children of people who are not members of some shitty fucking health club.”

Professor Brubaker said that in a few extreme cases heavy smokers can even become the sort of hopeless cretins who think they have a right not to be offended.