Smug twats planning to give art stuff to other people's children

A PAIR of childless, self-satisfied twats are buying their nieces and nephews some art equipment for Christmas.

Paul and Joanna Kramer are ignoring the children’s letters to Santa so they can give the ‘priceless gift of creativity’.

Joanna said: “There’s nothing more tragic than seeing a child’s inventive mind chained to a computer game or some awful branded Hollywood plastic.

“We used to give wooden toys, often bought from markets, but it wasn’t really getting across what a positive and special influence we are in the children’s lives.”

Paul added: “Patsy, who’s four, is getting oil pastels for landscapes. Six-year-old David is getting ink, parchment and a Chinese calligraphy brush, and Joshua, who’s ten, is getting a block of sculpting wax so he can cast his own bronzes.

“I can’t wait to see their little faces when they open their gifts and realise how thoughtful, caring and visionary their aunt and uncle are.”

Mother Nicola Kramer said: “I can’t wait to see their little faces too.”

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Syria vote to be last thing Labour Party does

THE Labour Party has agreed to vote on Syria next week and then ‘knock it on the head’.

MPs, trade unions and ordinary members agreed the party was ‘essentially fucked’ and it was time to stop all this nonsense.

A spokesman at Labour’s HQ said: “We’ve started packing up our desks. The atmosphere’s actually quite jolly. There’s a sense of relief.

“As soon as the votes have been cast in the House of Commons we’ll take down the sign on the outside of the building, sing the Red Flag one last time and then redirect the website to

“And that will be that.”

In place of Labour a range of new parties will be formed next year, with the two biggest being The Nice Middle Class People and Angry About Everything All The Time.