THE price of any item reduced on Black Friday is whatever it says on the label plus your very soul, retailers have agreed.
Incredible discounts on games consoles and televisions have been co-financed by the essence of evil, which has successfully expanded its soul-harvesting operation from the US to the UK in the last two years.
A spokesman for the British Retail Consortium said: “Beats By Dre headphones. An iPad Mini. The exciting new Nutri Ninja.
“Can anyone reasonably argue that discounts of up to £50 on any of these items are not worth a teeny, tiny little soul that you don’t really need anyway?
“You can’t wrap your soul up and put it under the tree on Christmas morning to delight your loved ones. Not that any of the items bought today are presents, it’s all just feeding your own venal greed which is why we’re doing so well.”
Shopper Helen Archer said: “I’ve signed away my soul for £260 off a G-Board Smart Two-Wheel Self-Balancing Hover Scooter.
“But what the daft bastards don’t know is I’ve already signed it away on three different credit cards and a Debenhams storecard.”