Songs of Praise ‘can only be filmed in Surrey’

SONGS of Praise must always be broadcast from lovely parish churches in rural Surrey, it has been claimed.

Campaigners insisted that if the BBC films its flagship religious programme at a migrant camp in Calais then Britain is basically finished.

Julian Cook, chairman of the Songs of Praise Official Fan Club, said: “Occasionally they have filmed it at an inner city church. It was ghastly.

“There was clapping and whooping and a general air of happiness. The whole thing was deeply un-Christian.”

He added: “I’m absolutely  sure that Jesus would not want the BBC to us British money to draw attention to some people living in squalor.

“Or perhaps the BBC thinks that Jesus hates Britain as much as they do.”

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Samantha Cameron named best-dressed woman by women who dress like that

SAMANTHA Cameron has been placed at the top of Vanity Fair’s Best-Dressed list by women uncomfortable in everything.

The prime minister’s wife beat Taylor Swift to the top spot because the American singer is occasionally able to wear clothes without looking like she regretted her choice the minute she was in the taxi.

Judge Susan Traherne said: “Whether she’s exquisitely awkward in a cocktail dress, wishing the ground would open up in peplum top and cigarette trousers, or standing behind a pillar all night in a pleated pastel dress, Samantha Cameron represents every woman who has no idea what to do with her arms.

“There isn’t a look in the fashion world that Sam doesn’t seem like she was tricked into wearing by flattery in the shop and now immediately regrets.”

Accepting the award wearing a floor-length lace evening gown that did not suit her, Cameron said: “Oh God, I didn’t think I’d have to stand up on stage in front of all these people. I’ve got a pashmina that covers a lot of it up but I’ve left it in the car.

“Sorry everyone. Sorry.”