South London houses become stately homes

FAMILY properties worth more than £1m in Catford and Peckham have announced they will open to the public at weekends.

The four-bedroom semi-detached properties, often with front and back gardens, represent a fantasy of suburban living from a more gracious age to ordinary Londoners paying £10.99 entrance fee and £5 for parking.

Tom Booker, the self-styled lord of 173 Cressida Avenue, Catford said, “This house has been in the Booker family since 1973. It is not just bricks and mortar, it is part of our national heritage.

“It fills me with pride to see visitors pace the patterned carpets of our 17ft hall, to realise that we have not two but three bathrooms, to gaze in awe on our water feature.

“They will never be able to afford a home of such grandeur but for a weekend they can dream, and take home a tea towel from the gift shop.”

Nathan Muir said: “Imagine, the front door of your home having only one doorbell.

“My girlfriend and I rent a box room in Bromley for £1,800 a month. Here, a room that size is used for nothing but mountain bikes and fishing rods.

“There should be a revolution.”

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World Cup final clashes with Amazon’s Christmas last order date

THE final of the World Cup in Qatar has been disastrously scheduled on the same day as the cut-off date for Amazon orders.

Viewing figures on 18th December 2022 will be cut by half as spectators, both worldwide and in the stadium, frantically fill their online shopping baskets with last-minute gifts.

FA chairman Greg Dyke said: “This is a fiasco.

“The Qataris know nothing of Christmas and our sacred traditions, like spending the entire evening clicking around online retailers on the last viable date we can do so.

“There is a very real danger that presents will be even more ill-chosen than usual with the World Cup on in the background instead of the far more ignorable Strictly final.

“And what about the England team, not known for their thoughtfulness in buying gifts early?

“I know, I know, the chance they’ll still be in the competition is tiny, but nothing else about this World Cup makes any sense so why not?”

The Qatari authorities have responded to the criticism by promising a cupful of diamonds to every man, woman and child in Britain.