Star Wars character names coming to a nursery near you

MORON parents are to call their babies things like Poe and Kylo Ren, it has been confirmed.

Disney has revealed the names of characters in the new Star Wars film, provoking huge anticipation among empty-headed parents-to-be.

Expectant mother Eleanor Shaw, from Maidstone, said: “We’d been having such trouble choosing a name, but we’ve settled on Dameron, after the Rebel Alliance X-wing pilot.

“A child’s name is central to its identity, which makes it the perfect vehicle for us to show off our knowledge of pop culture. I suppose I could have changed my own name rather than brand my offspring for life, but I don’t want to sound like an idiot.”

39-year-old career criminal Boba Fett said: “Maybe if my parents hadn’t been such naive attention-seekers I wouldn’t have grown up to become a contract killer for organised crime gangs.”

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Christmas tree seller predicts rapid growth over next four months

A ROADSIDE Christmas tree seller has confidently predicted that business will go from strength to strength.

“People cannot get enough of these trees”

Tom Logan’s garage forecourt-based tree outlet has been overwhelmed since the start of December, more than making up for a generally quiet 2014.

The surge in business has promoted Logan to expand his operation with a move to larger, more expensive premises in January.

Logan said: “These trees are big business and I can’t see this bubble bursting.

“To be completely honest we had a tough October, and an even worse November, but overnight for some reason things turned around and right now each day is busier than the last.”

“Extrapolating the figures we have at the moment, by the middle of March I’ll be selling 1,000 trees a day. By June that figure will top 4,500.”

However Logan’s girlfriend Nikki Hollis said: “I tried to gently suggest there might be a dip in sales pretty soon, but Tom was too busy arranging to take delivery of a lorry load of Norwegian spruces on Boxing Day.”