Story of journey to work told as if it were epic Viking saga

A MAN’S difficult journey through snow and ice to work has already taken on all the epic qualities of a Viking saga, colleagues have confirmed. 

Sales manager Nathan Muir, who lives in the depths of Cannock, recounted his thrilling odyssey from home with the grandiosity of Erik the Red discovering Greenland. 

He said: “The drive snowed was, the gate dug out, the lane snowed also. 

“But bright shone the sun in my heart as I began and all fear was banished as I trusted my honour, my family and my life to my Skoda Octavia Estate with Rough Road package and electronic differential lock. 

“High flew the snow from my wheels, higher than the lofted pines, as I blazed a trail through maiden whiteness to the relative safety of the A34, a prayer to Odin always on my lips. 

“And though the wheels did spin and the salt was sparse I freed myself from ice as though Utgard-Loki the frost giant himself were my enemy, and defeated he lay.” 

Muir has confirmed he will spend the day feasting in his great hall with his warriors to celebrate his great victory over the darkness, and if anyone needs him he and his team are in meeting room seven. 

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Royal wedding off after Meghan realises Harry not Ed Sheeran

THE royal wedding has been cancelled after Meghan Markle discovered Harry is not actually Ed Sheeran.

Markle was introduced to Harry as a ‘rich, famous, ginger Brit’ and assumed that could only be her favourite pop star.

When Harry realised the confusion, he maintained the illusion by pretending Prince Charles was Simon Cowell and Fergie was ‘Adele without any make-up’.

A palace insider said: “We thought it was weird she called him ‘Ed’, but maybe it was some kind of pet name.

“He’d claimed he’d bought his working class family a palace with all the royalties from Galway Girl, but that he wasn’t allowed to sing her any songs because technically that counts as a concert and he’d have to give his management ten million pounds.

“I think she realised a few weeks ago but it was all a bit awkward by that point.

“She has since met Ed Sheeran and is now engaged to him.”