Thursday, 29th October 2020

Student pulls all-nighter to figure out why he chose English degree

A THIRD-YEAR student has pulled an all-night session to finally work out what he thought an English Literature degree would be good for. 

Stephen Malley has avoided seriously contemplating the question for two-and-a-half years but with only months until he graduates, admits it is time to buckle down. 

He said: “I started at 8pm last night and I was still puzzling away at dawn, fuelled by endless cups of coffee and Red Bull. 

“It’s not just that I’m going to be worthless on the job market, I also realised that most books I have to read are actually incredibly boring. So if I don’t actually like English literature, why study it? 

“I should have taken care of this earlier on in the degree instead of procrastinating. Why did I think this would be a good idea? Because I once read Camus and I’m active on Goodreads?”

“I’m never going to get a first with no fundamental belief in the worth of my degree. But I can probably get away with a 2:1.”

He added: “One thing I have proved with this all-nighter is that I’m a a real thinker. I should probably have done a degree in philosophy.”