MOST students at desirable state schools are actually middle class parents in disguise as their children.
Head teachers have warned of a worrying increase in parents determined to improve their children’s grades by making them stay home while they attend school in their place.
Teacher Roy Hobbs said: “I asked one mysteriously balding pupil what his favourite TV programme was and he said Minder.
“My class is just a bunch of middle-aged people talking in high-pitched voices and slyly taking business calls on their mobiles.
“It’s hard to prove anything because there’s a risk you might upset a seriously weird-looking kid, but it’s pretty obvious from the amount of pupils excusing themselves from PE with piles and sciatica.”
Parent/pupil Emma Bradford said: “I just want to give my daughter the best possible start in life by pretending to be her while she stays at home and doesn’t go near windows.
“It’s a good system although last Friday I had to go to a ‘spin the bottle’ party and kissed a teenage boy in a cupboard which was a slight moral grey area.”
Educationalist Nikki Hollis said: “Anxious middle class parents need to chill. Exams are overrated and their kids will all end up doing similar shit in reasonably nice offices.”