Royal family grudgingly arrives for yet more of this bullshit

ROYALS have grudgingly arrived at Westminster Abbey for yet another tedious family event.

Prince Andrew muttered under his breath: “It’s like every frigging day I have to go to a massive church.”

Prince Edward replied: “I’m not going to another one this year, I’ve told them. Boundaries, you have to set boundaries.”

Other members of the royal family then nodded wearily as Prince Andrew mumbled something about “it’ll be that bloody baby next.”

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Game of Thrones-themed wedding ends in spectacular bloodshed

THE wedding of Napster founder Sean Parker ended with numerous fatalities after guests misunderstood its Game of Thrones theme.

The trouble started when Parker’s new wife Alexandra Lenas arrived at the altar dressed as Tyrion Lannister instead of wearing the elegant Sansa costume that the couple had agreed on.

Before the bride and groom could exchange vows, guests wearing concealed chainmail began disembowelling each other and indiscriminately stabbing the woodland creatures that had been specially imported from British forests.

Attendee Justin Timberlake said: “I’d never even watched the show before, but I memorised the army-raising part from season one and reenacted it to the bloody letter. Sean didn’t even say ‘thank you’.”

“Although in fairness his mouth was quite swollen after I hit him in the face with a cudgel.”

Parker’s cousin Emma Bradford said: “I took expensive crossbow lessons before the event as a wedding gift to the couple. It was quite a hassle but I felt obliged to kill or at least maim some distant relatives.”

Parker made a statement from Cedars-Sinai hospital, saying: “We only picked Game Of Thrones because the nearest dry ski slope closed and we couldn’t have the Ice Age 2 theme that was our first choice.

“Why didn’t everyone read the books first? I’m fairly sure none of this happens in the books.”