Stupid things to do in lockdown you'll regret when it's over

ARE your feelings of anxiety and peril making you think it’s a good idea to text your ex? Don’t. This will pass and you’ll feel like a twat. Here are some more things not to do.

Have a ‘big talk’ with your partner

Been waiting for a moment when you have plenty of time to address a problem in your relationship? This is not it. Choosing now to bring up your brief but passionate affair with their sister in 2009 is a big mistake.

Start that novel you always wanted to write

People who start a novel and never finish it can blame the pressures of work and family rather than having no talent. You have no such excuse and plenty of time on your hands, so you’ll have to face up to your tragic lack of creativity.

Watch every episode of The Handmaid’s Tale

Is there a box set you’ve heard loads about but never had time to watch? Choose wisely. Watching The Handmaid’s Tale or The Walking Dead now will give you an anxiety disorder on top of the one you already have from the lockdown.

Embark on a large DIY project

Always wanted to knock through the dining room wall to create an open-plan living space? If you choose to do it during lockdown, not only will you turn your home into a hideous building site you can’t escape, but you can’t call a builder to fix your stupidity.

‘Reach out’ to exes or enemies

Thinking about patching things up with people you hate? Bad idea. When this ends, you’ll still hate them but you’ll have foolishly invited them back into your life to mess it up again.

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Man's supportive tweets and posts getting on everyone's tits

A MAN using social media to keep friends and relatives’ spirits up should just f**king stop, everyone has agreed.

Martin Bishop has been using WhatsApp, Facebook and Twitter to send out a constant stream of memes, messages and uplifting news stories that are of no practical help whatsoever.

Friend Tom Logan said: “Martin woke me up at 7am with a notification for his WhatsApp message ‘Stay safe everyone!’. Needless to say, he did not specify how.

“All day he’s been astroturfing Facebook with inane crap, such as a video of some puppies in a basket titled ‘This will cheer you up if your low in these Dark Times’. There’s a limit to what puppies can do, and we passed it weeks ago.

“Then on Twitter he insisted everyone stands at their front door on Thursday and claps for NHS staff. Who will even see that? The BBC won’t be coming to the hallway in my nasty block of flats.”

Bishop said: “I feel in my own small way I’m helping people through this upsetting situation using social media. I think I’m going to change my profile picture next. That should get this whole thing over with a little bit quicker.”