TEACHERS have announced they will be outside schools all day with big baskets brimming with GCSEs so come and grab as many as you want.
Secondary schools around the country have so many top-graded GCSEs that there are plenty not just for pupils, but for anyone in the wider community who suffered the historical injustice of not getting qualifications because they were thick.
Headteacher Mary Fisher said: “What would you like? Maths? History? Spanish? Or just reach into the basket and take a few at random, it doesn’t matter. There’s loads to spare.
“Thanks to Gavin Williamson, the greatest education secretary of all time based on results, there’s GCSEs for everyone. Come one, come all!”
16-year-old Lucy Parry said: “I got top grades in all the subjects I took, plus music, home economics and Mandarin for good measure. Then I called my dad over to fill his boots.
“He was in tears as he shovelled GCSEs into his arms. Maths, computer science, all that stuff he never got at school. He said it was the greatest day of his life and I’ve got to take him out for a meal.”
Teacher Martin Bishop said: “It’s all very well, but we’ve got 18 barrels of media studies GCSEs back there that we can’t give away. We’ll have to burn them.”