Teachers get revenge with nativity play casting

PRIMARY school teachers have settled old scores by making the annoying ones be innkeepers.

As nativity play casting is completed, teachers have confirmed that challenging behaviour over the last term will result in being a donkey or a Roman soldier with no lines.

Year two teacher Nikki Hollis said: “Millie was the obvious choice for Mary, but I can’t get over that time in October when she hid all the glue sticks and blamed it on Imran.

“I really wanted Connor to be Joseph because he’s always so polite and kind, but it’s a dead cert that he’ll either cry or wet himself onstage. Fuck it, he’s Joseph.”

Year six teacher Tom Logan added: “My Three Wise Men are those little geniuses who drank out of a puddle last week.

“And Jo, with the UKIP dad, is playing the non-denominational guiding star of hope.”

Meanwhile, private schools confirmed that they would be honouring the tradition of awarding lead roles to the children whose parents made the largest donations.


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Government really sticking up for the little guy, say morons

VAGUE plans to discuss bosses’ pay prove the Tory government is on the side of ordinary people, idiots believe.

People who are basically cattle have praised Theresa May’s transparent attempt to exploit public resentment over executive salaries without actually doing anything.

Office worker Nikki Hollis said: “In the future companies might have to publish what bosses earn compared to ordinary staff, or they might not. That’s shown the greedy bastards.

“I’ll definitely be voting for her at the next election rather than some weirdo like Corbyn who keeps going on about trade unions and the minimum wage.”

Gas fitter Roy Hobbs said: “I’m glad the government’s taking decisive action with a consultation that might lead to guidelines or something, assuming they don’t just forget about it.

“Theresa’s clearly on the side of ordinary folks because she didn’t go to Eton, which makes total sense if you have a simplistic view of the world like me.

“I hope they say something about big companies and tax next.”