Teenage girl cynically pretending to be heartbroken about One Direction

A TEENAGE pop fan is having her first experience of overreacting to something in order to get attention.

13-year-old Emma Bradford responded to news of One Direction’s extended ‘break’ by locking herself in her bedroom even though she has not been into the band for a year.

She said: “This is worse than a bereavement, not that I’ve ever experienced a bereavement. I love Harry, and Lee or whatever the blonde one is called.

“I’m going to need counselling, a new top from Gap and permission to go to that party with older boys, otherwise I might not get through this.

“Most of all I’m going to need a lot of my friends to go on social media and tell me how ace I am.”

Bradford’s mum Susan said: “I’m fairly sure she’d already ditched ‘1D’ for the highly sexualised pop-rapper Iggy Azalea. I can’t take the chance though, so I’d better buy her a cake.”

However Emma Bradford said: “This is working really well. My friend Nikki’s nan is really ill, if she pegs it I will piggy-back on her grief to get a day off school.”

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Theresa May will scroll through the pictures on your phone

HOME Secretary Theresa May will press ahead with plans to look at everyone’s  photos.

She defended the move by claiming members of ISIS and Al Qaeda often had ‘terrorist-y selfies’ on their phones and insisted it was not a move by the government to see if you have ever taken a picture of your genitals.

May said: “As home secretary, it is my duty to scroll right past that photo you wanted to show me of a dog wearing a batman costume so I can examine the intimate images you took with your partner in the Lake District.

“And if you try and take your phone back I will slap your hand away while shouting ‘parliamentary privilege’.”

Civil rights campaigners said the plans are a massive infringement on individual privacy, but May said that was because they were a ‘bunch of perverts with all kinds of weird shit on their phones’.

May also confirmed she will go through your Spotify playlist and Netflix history because terrorist fanatics also listen to music and watch high quality American drama.