Teenage car owner demanding grossly inflated petrol money

17-YEAR-OLD driver Tom Logan is demanding petrol money from friends that is disproportionate to his actual fuel costs.

Logan, who was given a 2001 Renault Clio by his parents, charged three fellow students £2 to go from college to Tesco Express and back, a journey of no more than a mile.

His friend Stephen Malley said: “As I’m not a driver I thought maybe petrol was just really, really expensive. Turned out he was just taking the total piss.

“I had to pay it though, if you get labelled as someone who doesn’t cough up petrol money then you can’t get lifts to parties and you might as well be dead.”

Emma Bradford, who does Geography A Level with Logan, said: “What’s really annoying is that his parents bought him the car, he didn’t save up any of his own money, and now he’s using it as a cash cow.

“One time he even had four in the back and a particularly small girl in the boot, all paying £4 each to go to someone’s house.

“You can tell he’ll be a right bastard as an adult.”

However Logan said: “It’s called ‘petrol money’ but really it’s an inclusive fee that covers all running costs such as road tax, MOT and tyres.

“If people they don’t like it they can fuck off, there’s always plenty of fifth-formers needing to get to the only pub in town that accepts fake ID.”

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Google cars only go to Wikipedia

THE new self-driving cars pioneered by Google just go straight to Wikipedia, according to testers.

The cars, which are capable of driving themselves without human intervention, are brilliant at going straight from Google’s base in Mountain View, California to Wikipedia’s base in San Francisco but terrible at going anywhere else.

Tester Susan Traherne said: “Ask them what the Boxer Rebellion was, which is the most powerful Pokémon or who invented the Spinning Jenny, and they’re straight to the crowdsourced answer.

“Anything harder, like why love fades or the best way to fold shirts, and they panic and spin around in circles until you click I’m Feeling Lucky.

“Which generally takes you to YouTube.”

The cars, which have smiling faces and therefore probably won’t run you over deliberately, can theoretically go anywhere but in practice stick to the same few locations on America’s West coast.

A Google spokesman said: “From IMDB in Seattle to Facebook in Menlo Park to eBay in San Jose, these little cars can take you anywhere that matters while you take a nap in the back.

“It’s true that they don’t really like to leave California, but who does?

“And their ability to navigate the San Fernando valley, coincidentally where 90 per cent of the world’s pornography is produced, is second to none.

“Just make sure you don’t Google Google, because’s there’s a minor design flaw that causes the cars to vibrate until they implode.”