Millions of Cable supporters gather in London

HUGE crowds demanding the resignation of Nick Clegg have gathered in London for demonstrations being called the ‘English Spring’.

People of all ages, religions and ethnicities have pledged to hold their vigil until the despised Clegg is replaced by people’s hero Vince Cable.

Giant banners with Cable’s image and the slogan “A Golden Future For All Mankind” have been draped over buildings, and demonstrators are burning effigies of Clegg while chanting “Stand down or risk irrelevancy!”

17-year-old Joanna Kramer said: “All my life I have known only one Liberal Democrat leader.

“My parents have told me of the old days of Paddy Ashdown and Charles Kennedy. I am too young to remember them, or maybe they were too dull to recall.

“We want nothing less than total revolution and the only person who can bring that is our saviour Cable.”

Hundreds of protestors have reportedly been arrested by Clegg’s secret police and riots have raged throughout the capital as neighbouring countries look on, fearful of the domino effect if Clegg is toppled.

However, Clegg did not get to the top without ruthless cunning and has come back strongly by eating a bacon sandwich on LBC.

Kramer said: “The revolution is over. All over. A generation’s dreams are dead.”

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World Cup still hasn’t started

FOOTBALL fans have been left confused and angry after it was revealed that Brazil 2014 has still not begun.

World Cup organizers have been forced to admit that the tournament is still two whole weeks away, despite no football having taken place for an unprecedented five days.

Tom Logan, 26, said: “I’ve been enjoying the blanket coverage over the past seven months, so this morning I thought I’d just check who was winning so far. Turns out most of the teams haven’t even got to Brazil yet.

“I’ve got my wallchart and I’ve collected loads of stickers, so what the hell’s going on?”

Football journalist Stephen Malley said: “This week we’ve done the top ten World Cup moustaches, an interview with a Phil Jagielka lookalike, and the home addresses and telephone numbers of every referee.

“What are we going to talk about for the next fortnight? Cricket?”