BABIES who are ‘teething’ are actually possessed by evil demons sent from hell, experts have confirmed.
Research shows that tantrums, waking up at night, biting and generally being a dick are not due to ‘molars coming through’, but symptoms of dark spiritual possession by a Babylonian demon named Pazuzu .
Mum, Emma Howard said: “The crying, the grumpiness, the tantrums, biting the cat, waking up at night screaming ‘mottherfuckers’, all pointed to teething.
“To find out that our baby is under the influence of a malevolent force from hell is a bit of a blow.We’re hoping it’s just a phase.”
‘Teething’ child Dave Howard, said: “My mum loves blaming stuff on teething. If I were actually teething the amount of times she says I‘m teething I would have 16,908 teeth. I have five. I am clearly possessed by evil force. Deal with it.”
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Parents are advised to try giving their possessed baby Calpol.
“Not really. You’re fucked. Maybe try praying or better still, get a nanny, let them deal with it.”