UNDERGROUND train drivers have rejected an offer of some extra money for no reason, because they are fine.
The amply-remunerated subterranean button-pushers had been offered an additional £100 for doing their jobs, in addition to monies already received for doing their jobs.
But they have urged the RMT to graciously reject the offer on the grounds that they have no need of additional funds.
Tube driver Stephen Malley said: “I think I would feel, well, awkward about having more money.
“It’s not like I want for anything. I’ve a nice house, a big telly, a Kindle loaded with all the latest train-related thrillers and I enjoy weekly trips to Pizza Express. Anything else would be gilding the lily.”
His colleague Tom Logan agreed: “One of the bonuses of a 37.5 hour working week spent sitting down whle pushing a button is that you get a bit of time to contemplate nature. I guess that’s why we tube drivers tend to be philosophical.
“It may be a cliché, but the best things in life really are free.”
He added: “If you stop and take a moment to admire the intricate petals of a rose blossom, you will realise that nature’s riches glitter more brightly than any man-made wealth.”
RMT general secretary Bob Crow said: “The sentiments of these drivers may be simple but they are true. Their behaviour has left me feeling both humbled and inspired.
“I realise now that just because we are technically ‘working class’ and own Chumbawamba CDs, it doesn’t mean we’re exempt from greed.”
He added: “Look at those swallows flying in formation. That really is exceptionally beautiful.”