HAVE you gone for a piss in someone’s house and discovered the room is carpeted? You should look out for these other signs that they’re a potential nutter.
The bathroom is carpeted
In a room full of various types of liquid, having a carpet on the floor is definitely mental. It would go mouldy where it got wet, stink where they accidentally pissed on it and show up every kind of stain from mud to blood. They are a psycho. Get out now.
They use glass chopping boards
A metal knife slamming repeatedly on a glass chopping board is hell on the ears. Don’t they know that wood is available? Or plastic? They may simply think glass is more hygienic. Or they may find it easier to clean after cutting up the spleens of their victims. You’re not sure which, so excuse yourself as soon as possible.
They have a ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ sign
Surely everyone knows by now that having a ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ sign in your home is the height of tackiness and would hide it away to avoid having the piss ripped out of them? If you enter a house with one proudly on display, beneath the faux crystal chandelier, be afraid. They’ll try to tell you it’s ironic, but they’re lying. And they’re crazy.
They’re into weird taxidermy
A single stuffed animal can be written off as a fun, interesting conversation piece. However, if they have a shelf dedicated to squirrels in various poses, like dancing together or reading a tiny newspaper, they have gone beyond quirk and into maniac territory. Excuse yourself and run far, far away.
There’s a door with a padlock on it
Any door, doesn’t matter which. Cupboard, attic hatch, cellar or garage is bad enough, but bedroom is undoubtedly the worst. It may be perfectly innocent and they’re simply very safety conscious and worried about burglary. On the other hand, they might be a serial killer and have a collection of human skulls in there. Don’t wait around to find out.