DO you sometimes need to make a complaint but hate direct conflict like most British people? Here’s how to do it in a pathetic, passive-aggressive way.
Moan at your partner instead
If the food at a restaurant is terrible, the likelihood of a British person making a complaint is slim. Instead, smile broadly at the waiter and claim everything was wonderful, then whinge about it to your partner on the way home and for the next seven months.
Write something horribly vindictive on TripAdvisor
Rather than tell staff at a B&B there was a hair in the soap dish, as a Briton you should wait until you’re home and write a rant on TripAdvisor calling it a ‘dangerous, germ-infested hell-hole’. If your OTT complaint gets them shut down, it’s simply taught them a valuable lesson about customer service.
Call environmental health
Are your neighbours playing their music a bit loud? Don’t tell them it’s annoying and give them a chance to change their ways. Instead start a long, bitter dispute by calling the council and the police, for good measure. They love dealing with stuff like that.
Wage a petty guerrilla war with your workplace
Do you end up doing quite a bit of unpaid overtime? Rather than speaking to your boss about it directly, ‘accidentally’ drop their favourite mug so it breaks. Ha. That showed them. Unless they just buy a new one.
Put the people next door under surveillance
In any dispute with the people next door, immediately gets loads of cheap CCTV cameras to ‘collect evidence’. They may be thoughtlessly blocking your drive occasionally, but you’re the winner because you’ve made them live in Nineteen Eighty-Four.