Sunday, 9th May 2021

The five idiotic objections to gay marriage bigots always come out with

THE Pope has endorsed same-sex civil partnerships, but bigots will still think of weird reasons to oppose gay marriage. Here are some of them.

‘You’ll be able to marry your dog next’

Deeply offensive ‘slippery slope’ argument. It also ignores the fact that at no point in human history has marrying your dog been a popular activity. They wriggle like f**k when you try to put a jumper on them to take a cutesy picture, so imagine trying to get them into a wedding dress.

‘Children are better off with a mum and dad’

Perhaps unsurprisingly, research has proved this is not true. It’s easy to see how kids could be better off without a deadbeat dad or mentalist mum, and even relatively normal parents have their risks, such as being shit at maths when you’ve been dicking around in lessons and need to get your homework done.

‘A celebrity gay couple split up once’

Conclusive proof to morons that gay people just cannot stop their hedonistic lifestyles, as if they’re all Freddie Mercury. Again, rather offensive, because who would want to be associated with the album A Kind of Magic?

‘God is against it’

Sadly God is notoriously bad at saying what He wants, using an unreliable system of ‘prayer’, a very old book, and things that humans have made up. For all we know, God might not give a toss about lesbians but be in favour of everyone dressing as a seagull on Tuesdays. You’d think an omnipotent deity could sort out their comms strategy.

‘Their kids will turn out gay’

Which wouldn’t really matter if you weren’t a bigot. This also seems to assume that all same-sex couples are super-gay role models, and your two dads go to Sainsbury’s dressed as Liberace or the Village People.