The heartbreaking moment Mail Online journalist realised his soul had died

THIS picture shows the very moment at which a journalist discovered he had died inside.

38-year-old Mail Online staffer Wayne Haynes had just uploaded a picture of some grieving relatives to his employers’ website.

He said: “At that precise second, I knew I was not a man but a ghoul. A professional ‘grief pinpointer’ for whom human misery is a form of light entertainment to be sandwiched between adverts for chocolate and women’s tops.

“I had left humanity via a one-way exit.

“I’m just glad someone was there with a camera, so that they could take a picture and put it on to the internet.”


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Prisoners face roach crisis

A BAN on books in British prisons has deprived inmates of makeshift cigarette filters, according to insiders.

The Home Secretary’s decision to stop prisoners being sent books mean that lifers are down to their last few Dan Brown blurbs.

Prisoner Bill McKay said: “Obviously tobacco and weed are freely available and we make rolling papers from onion skins, but we need card or stiff laminated paper to make the roaches that protect us from cancer.

“We don’t have train tickets in here. Nobody gives us business cards. Grown men go to sleep dreaming of ripping the lid of a Rizla packet into neat little rectangles.

“This book ban leaves us with five, maybe six days of roach left. After that it’s riots and rooftops, but unfortunately nobody will know why because we’ve roached all the cardboard we’d use for signs.”

Convicted felon Stephen Malley said: “I do enjoy reading but you can have too much of it, whereas smoking never gets boring.”