The Tory guide to why teachers are to blame for everything
TORY MPs have claimed teachers are selfishly stopping kids going back to school. Here MP Denys Finch Hatton explains why the entire teaching profession is evil.
They have long holidays
Teachers love their holidays, so it’s not surprising they won’t go back to work when they’re presented with the ultimate skive: coronavirus. We need to instill a proper work ethic in them by keeping schools open 363 days a year (a day off for Christmas and Brexit Day.)
‘Those who can do, those who can’t teach’
This glib phrase is a 100 per cent accurate description of the teaching profession. Everyone agrees with it, including people doing the most pointless jobs and dreary pub bores, so it must be true.
They are all left-wing extremists
Every teacher is essentially a Red, itching for a strike and filling our children’s heads with subversive ideas like Sir Francis Drake not being perfect in every way and GCSE Transgenderism. We need to ban their communist propaganda – The Guardian – and get them back to teaching proper subjects like kings and queens of England and woodwork.
They are cowards
While true Brits are crowding onto beaches and into shops in a glorious ‘Up yours!’ to COVID-19, state school teachers are skulking at home bleating about protecting children, families and themselves. Is ‘treason’ too strong a word? No.
They are nice to children
Trendy modern teachers like non-competitive sports and ‘student counselling’, whatever that is. I was taught at an extremely brutal minor public school in the 60s and it never did me any harm, apart from my numerous disturbing sexual fetishes.