Think pieces ‘better than action’

WRITING 900 words about injustice for a broadsheet newspaper is more effective than getting off your arse and doing something about it, it has been claimed.

In her latest think piece Why think pieces trump getting off your arse every time, Guardian columnist Nikki Hollis explains: “Any chump can act against injustice. But it takes skill, wit and tremendous self-belief to sit in your pants, churning out opinions on an industrial scale.

“So-called ‘experts’ will tell you that getting off your arse is a proven catalyst for progress, whereas think pieces change nothing.

“Well, here’s the newsflash: think pieces have the power to change LOTS of things – the number of Twitter followers you have, the amount of dinner party invites you receive, your own level of income. The list goes on.”

Fellow broadsheet columnist Nathan Muir supports Hollis’ argument in his latest think piece for The Times entitled My take on the hopeless futility of getting off your arse.  

Muir writes: “If you think getting off your arse will boost your social media profile or bag you a book deal, you’re sorely mistaken. The moment your arse leaves the chair you become just another forgettable face in a crowd of worthwhile human beings.

“Ultimately, you have to ask yourself what’s more important: helping to create a better world or seeing some bollocks you wrote re-tweeted alongside the comment ‘This nails it’. I think the answer is obvious.”

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Ukraine to be put up high where Putin can't reach it

UKRAINE is to be detached from the earth and floated 6,000m above sea level so Russia will not be tempted to invade.

The scheme follows President Putin’s admission that he has a terrible weakness for resource-rich agricultural land and cannot hold himself back from sending in troops.

Angela Merkel said: “It’s ridiculous that we have to treat a mature member of the G8 like this, but it seems the only way the Ukraine will be safe is if it’s out of harms way.

“All 233,062 square miles will be winched up, using the enormous natural rock cranes the country was named for, and kept aloft using helium balloons.”

Sofia Kobzon of Kiev said: “The view is lovely and you get used to the lack of oxygen, but I hope the EU remembers to get us down.

“We are already gathering dust alongside a Nerf gun, many nuclear warheads and several parts of the former republic of Yugoslavia everyone has forgotten ever existed.”

President Putin is expected to pace the former border looking longingly upwards, and occasionally making pathetic little leaps, before invading Georgia again.