ACROSS the nation, families are waiting by their letterboxes to receive the biggest energy bills they have ever seen.
Households who treated themselves to heat and light over Christmas are anticipating their reward in the form of a wild new energy bill that really pushes the envelope in charging for human necessities.
Tom Booker of Stevenage said: “It’s definitely going to be above £400. We had the heating on 14 hours some days, and the oven, and we didn’t stint on the telly either.
“I’m hearing rumours some are coming in at more than £600 for the month! Wow. For one month! And December was actually pretty mild!
“We’ve switched to paper bills just so we can all gather round and open it together. I can’t wait for the stunned silence as we contemplate a figure nobody would have believed possible just a few years ago.
“Though by next winter we’ll look back at this one and be like ‘Remember when energy bills were less than the mortgage?’ Still, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Let’s enjoy this unprecendentedly large bill in the moment.”
Booker then opened the bill, with his family gathered round, and commented: “F**king hell!”