Today final deadline for summer romances, warns HMRC

REVENUE & Customs has warned that all summer romances must begin by midnight.

More than 25,000 people failed to begin their summer romances in time last year and instead of a frothy seasonal dalliance found themselves facing the penalty of long, serious relationships.

An HMRC spokesman said: “Applicants have from 00.00am on 1 June until 11.59pm on 31 July to begin a summer romance lasting a minimum 30 and a maximum 100 days.

“The romance will supply golden memories of true happiness lasting a lifetime, providing a SR108K is filed between the first tentative kiss and any drawing of lovehearts in the sand with a stick.

“However, should the romance begin late or fail to conclude when autumn leaves start to fall, all rebates on regrets will be withdrawn and it will be as messy and painful as any other relationship.”

Helen Archer, from Portsmouth, said: “I had one last year – first kiss lit only by fireflies, long beach walks at sunset, vows to always remember – but was so caught up in wearing his jacket on my shoulders that I missed the breaking-up deadline.

“I lost my Carefree Singleton Allowance and we had to move in together. We’ll probably end up getting married. I’m such an idiot.”

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Cheaper to commute from Moon than live in London

COMMUTING from the Sea of Tranquility is now cheaper than renting a studio flat in Camden.

For the first time, Greater London rents have surpassed those on the surface of the Moon where a pod in the Ocean of Storms is just £1500 a month.

Lunar estate agent Julian Cook said: “The Moon is subject to the Earth’s gravitational pull which makes it very handy for Oxford Street.

“The Sea of Nectar will be the new Hackney in five years, so it’s the perfect time to get ahead of the curve.”

Moon resident Tom Logan said: “We found a great place near the Webb Crater and from there I can go direct to the middle of the Pacific Ocean in no time at all. Then it’s just a three week swim and transcontinental train ride to Charing Cross.

“There’s always the concern that you might burn up on re-entry but that’s still better than a rush hour tube filled with strangers’ farts.”