THE Tories have pledged to raise the age at which you suddenly turn into a racist caravan owner who is unable to drive faster than 38mph in a 60mph zone.
The party claims it will save up to £13bn a year by slowing the rate at which Britain's roads become filled with caravans, motorhomes and Volvos, thereby increasing economic output as more people arrive at work in a balanced and productive state of mind instead of wanting to kill every living thing on the face of the Earth.
But Stephen Malley, a 42 year-old engineer from York, said: "This will mean I have to wait another 24 years instead of 23 before I can develop a truly offensive and disgusting sense of entitlement.
"I was really looking forward to hitting 65 and having the time to develop a spectacularly ill-informed theory about how everything is the fault of muslims.
"I wanted to travel the world, meet interesting people and thrust my wilful ignorance directly into their stupid foreign faces. The dream is shattered."
Tom Logan, an accountant from Hatfield, said: "So often I have overtaken some old bastard who was towing a caravan at 38mph on a trunk road and thought, 'he looks really happy'.
"He obviously doesn't care that I would actually kill him if I thought I could get away with it. His only task for the day is to drive me into a stroke-inducing frenzy before arriving at some nice, neat camp site where he and his mousey little wife will cook some value sausages, drink wine from a box and laugh about how much I hate them. And I think to myself, 'I want that'."
Bill McKay, a 58 year-old planning officer from Grantham, added: "I have spent 35 years trying to look busy or covering up the horrendous mistakes I've made because I am so staggeringly incompetent and under-qualified.
"But now I will have to do this for another 12 hair-raising months unless I can feign some kind of mental breakdown or claim incapacity benefit after throwing myself down some stairs.
"I feel utterly betrayed."