A TOWN whose entire economy relies on the money brought in by tourists absolutely hates them, it has been confirmed.
Despite living or dying by the seasonal trade brought in by tourists and holidaymakers, the people of St Ives loathe out-of-towners with every fibre of their beings and wish they would leave them alone forever.
Local shop owner Tom Logan said: “If it wasn’t for people coming down here and spending their hard-earned cash on my overpriced souvenirs then I’d be unemployed and homeless. But I don’t see why I should be grateful to them.
“You should see the way they arrogantly stay in our hotels, smugly eat in our cafes and generally prop up our financial infrastructure with their generosity. It makes me sick.
“If I were in charge then twats who don’t know our ways would be barred from entry, yet somehow I’d still manage to make a living. A direct debit would probably do the trick.”
Visitor Mary Fisher said: “I had a lovely holiday in St Ives, the spectacular coastal scenery really lived up to my expectations. I’ll never return though because it was full of miserable f**kers who I hope all go under.”