UK exhausted from arguing with Brexit f**kwits

MILLIONS of Britons are physically exhausted after spending what feels like decades arguing with people who do not understand anything.

Many ‘remain’ voters feel they need a holiday or a long sleep after the tiring experience of trying to reason with people who completely reject logic or evidence.

Martin Bishop said: “Whenever I spoke to my uncle Trevor about Brexit he’d just make some fatuous comment like, ‘I suppose you wish the Germans had won the war, then!’

“It was incredibly knackering because he’d just respond to everything with random bullshit, like when he said the economy would be fine because we’d ‘just think of new products to sell’.”

Emma Bradford said: “I’m worn out from talking to Brexiters because a lot of them think listing everything that pisses them off is the same as a rational debate.

“Also they just ignore anything they don’t like. When I explained to my mum that the EU doesn’t make our laws her reasoned response was to go and water the geraniums.”

However Brexit supporter Norman Steele said: “I’ve had lots of well-informed, reasonable debates with Project Fear’s brainwashed sheeple who hate their country.”

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‘You were too soft on them,’ May tells portrait of Thatcher

THERESA May has told the portrait of Margaret Thatcher that hangs in her living room that she was too kind-hearted. 

May assured the oil painting that she will not make the same mistake of sparing her enemies.

She said: “Of course it was a different time, I understand that. The church was still powerful and belief in the sanctity of human life was regrettably widespread.

“I suppose that’s why you allowed Heseltine to survive, even though castrated, and why you reluctantly withdrew free school milk instead of your original plan to… change it.

“Your compassion was your biggest failing. I won’t let sentimentality stay my hand, like you did. The parts of my brain that feel empathy were burned away long ago.

“We nuke Buenos Aires Friday.”